Roughing It
by 123cosmo4
Summary: Kowalski, Rico, and Private take advantage of Skipper and he boots them out of their home to find a new place to live around the zoo.
1. Chapter 2 Pushing Limits

Roughing It

Chapter 1- Three Lazy Sacks

"Private, these are wonderful," Kowalski said with a sigh of contentment. "So good."

Kowalski, Rico, and Private were all enjoying some delicious smoothies outside the headquarters. It was a sunny morning and they were soaking up their daily supply of vitamin D. It felt nice just to relax and do nothing…

Meanwhile, Skipper was just coming back from patrolling the zoo for anything suspicious. He was thinking to himself how great and hard working his team was. They were the perfect penguins to be on a team with. Infact, when he came back they would probably be spying on Alice like he told them to do. She had been doing things a little suspicious and they had to make sure she wasn't plotting anything diabolical. He was passing by Marlene's habitat and saw her outside sunning herself on a rock, wasting the day away. How could she think of such time wasting when there was evil prowling the zoo? Skipper decided to help her out. He jumped into the water and swam straight to her rock.

"Marlene…Marlene…MARLENE!"

"Wah!" She jumped up suddenly, her greenish brown eyes wide with shock. She seemed annoyed to see Skipper swimming in her water.

"What are you doing wasting time?" he questioned assertively. "There is too much to do."

"Like?.." she pressed.

"Alice." He jumped out of the water and pointed to Alice who was talking on a cell phone and staring at the beautiful sky. "She is on to something, Marlene. Can't you tell?"

"No, I really can't," she replied, rather annoyed. "Well, you're the only one who is taking this seriously. Just enjoy the sun."

Marlene fell back on to her warm rock. Skipper couldn't believe what he was hearing. He grabbed Marlene before she slumped down and shook her by the shoulders.

"Don't give in to that," he ordered. "Without my team and I keeping the zoo safe it would be crawling with flying piranhas by now."

"You're team, huh?" she answered sarcastically and roughly pushed him away. "Well, there's your loyal team. They are relaxing in the sun too."

"They're WHAT?"

Sure enough, Skipper could see the three of them soaking up the sun with _smoothies._ They blew off their training so they could waste time!

"GrrrrrRR!"

Skipper dived back into the water and headed for the penguin habitat. Marlene sighed with relaxation and lied down on the rock for another nap.

The penguins were about asleep when they heard the splash of Skipper returning. They slowly blinked open their eyes and saw a very angry Skipper staring at them. They lowered their sunglasses and watched.

"What on earth are you guys doing?" he demanded. "Smoothies?"

Rico tried to drink it up while Skipper was raging, only for it to be taken away. The three of them looked up at Skipper like a puppy that displeased its owner.

"What about your mission?" Skipper pressed. "Perhaps you solved that and finished early?"

Rico and Private immediately turned to Kowalski to answer for them. Kowalski forced himself to meet Skipper's icy blue stare.

"We…didn't find anything," he admitted and then shied away.

"I am not surprised," Skipper continued. "Such laziness is unacceptable. All three of you, push-ups!"

"What?" Private whined.

"Make it 20, soldier."

"I really think that-"

"What's that? 25 it is." Skipper decided and cut Kowalski off.

"But I didn't-"

"30, alright."

"Buttons!" added Rico.

"Okay, 40."

Kowalski was about to say something, but he was tackled by Private and Rico before he could say anything. They didn't argue anymore and started to do perfect push-ups, growling to themselves about Skipper's strict attitude. Skipper watched them with satisfaction and then plopped down in a sun chair with a smoothie to enjoy the sunlight.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 2- Pushing Limits

"That Skipper is really ticking me off," Kowalski complained while laying in his bunk.

"Why, Kowalski?" Private asked from the bunk lowest to the ground. "I guess we shouldn't of been slacking off like that."

"Skipper never lets us relax for a moment," he continued and massaged his shaking wings. "I wish he would just lighten up."

"If only," Private agreed. "Well, I guess the HQ is not going to maintenance itself. Let's get it over with."

Kowalski and Private slowly rose from their bunks to clean the headquarters. They were supposed to do that while Skipper was gone on another solo spy mission. They needed to find Rico to get a jump on that.

"Rico!" they called. "Rico!"

No response. They then noticed Rico glued to the TV in the corner. There was a loud explosion coming from it and Rico didn't even blink. They approached to see what Rico was watching. It was an action movie of some sort. There were lots of explosions for sure and the action was wild. Kowalski poked his shoulder, but he would not look away.

"We really need to do the maintenance before Skipper gets back," Private insisted.

Rico still wouldn't respond. They tried to pull Rico away from the TV, but he roughly pushed them away and kept watching. Kowalski and Private looked at each other helplessly.

"This movie looks… kind of exciting," Private pointed out.

"According to my calculations, we have exactly 2.345 hours before Skipper returns. If it takes us exactly 1.25 hours to do the maintenance then we have some time to watch this movie."

Without another word, they sat down next to Rico with their eyes glued to the screen.

Skipper had a rough night of scouting. Alice had nothing suspicious stowed away in the Zoovenier shop. The loud jams from Julien's boom box still vibrated the ground and rang in his head. Nothing would seem more relaxing than coming home to a nice clean headquarters and going to sleep.

Maybe it was the bright lights that were flashing off the walls of the dark headquarters or the loud crashing that came afterward when Skipper knew that the HQ was NOT clean. Sure enough, he climbed down the ladder and saw the three of them staring at the screen contently and they didn't even notice Skipper come in. He heard a loud crunch and looked down to see that he stepped on a piece of popcorn. The ground was coated in popcorn and potato chips, there must have been hundreds of them. The HQ was a wreck.

"What is…going on in here?" Skipper screamed.

Kowalski held up a flipper. "Wait after this part."

"NO!"

Skipper stepped right in front of the TV. The three of them tried to look around him, but he turned off the TV. They looked at the blank TV screen with despair before finally realizing what they did. They were ordered to clean the HQ and it looked like the remains of one of Julien's parties. They jumped up suddenly and cowered in fear against the wall.

"Explain what happened here," Skipper said icily and crossed his wings. "Well?"

"We were…watching a movie," Private whimpered guiltily.

"I expected more from you three after that little performance this morning," he growled. "And look was I get! You three are so lazy what am I ever going to do?"

Skipper slapped them equally so they pressed themselves against the wall with guilt. Private whimpered like a puppy and Kowalski felt VERY abused. All Skipper ever did was order them around. Sure he was the leader, but he was completely bossing them around. He was really making life rough for them and Kowalski was sick of putting up with it. He dared leave the wall and glared at Skipper with narrowed eyes.

"I don't think you are being fair to us," he explained calmly. "If we take the slightest break you get on us. You are the leader and we respect that, but we think you are taking advantage of us."

"Oh, is that so, Kowalski?" Skipper shot back sarcastically. "All three of you deserve every harsh word I tell you."

"Uh uh," Rico said defensively.

"You too, Rico?" Skipper asked coldly. "And you, Private?"

"It was just a movie night," Private agreed. "It's not really fair that you push us around like this."

"Okay then. I respect your ability to stand up to me like that," Skipper said oddly nicely and then walked to the exit. He showed them the way out like they were new visiting guests or something. They hesitantly walked outside the door with confusion.

"Why do you want us outside?" Kowalski asked. "I am sensing an oddly changed and expanding form of bliss in this moment like you're…not mad at us anymore?"

"I'm not," he replied a little too nicely. "So, happy trails. Hope you find a decent place."

Skipper was about to shut the door on them, but Rico jumped in the way.

"What do you mean 'happy trails?'" questioned Private innocently.

"This is my base and I let you three live here. If you don't respect your commanding officer, then good luck on your own."

Then Skipper slammed the door in their faces and left them standing out in the cold.


	3. Chapter 3 Julien the Innkeeper

Chapter 3- Julien the Innkeeper

The penguins were trapped outside for sure. At first they thought Skipper was just joking about the old kicking them out routine, but he would not answer when they knocked on the door for five straight minutes. They had to admit defeat until morning. They didn't mean to be such a burden and never knew their laziness would end up to all this.

"What are we going to do?" wailed Private. "Sleep on the ground?"

"No, there is a whole zoo full of animals," Kowalski said assuringly. "One of them will take us in for now I hope."

"You penguins need a place to stay?"

They all looked up and saw Julien hanging from a tree bordering the water, eavesdropping on their entire conversation. He climbed down swiftly and stood on the water's edge. The penguins were so desperate that they swam over to the other end of the pool to greet Julien.

"I hear you silly penguins need a place to stay," he said brightly. "I accept your groveling and pathetic begging and will let you stay in my kingdom."

They all looked at each other, but said nothing against that false statement.

"We would really appreciate it," Private replied gratefully. "Only until Skipper cools down."

"Come on, my new worshipping subjects."

Julien pranced regally towards the lemur habitat. The penguins followed, feeling pleased with their stroke of luck. They followed Julien into the lemur habitat. It looked like a nice place to stay. There were plenty of palm trees and shade and friendly hospitality. When they entered, they saw Mort and Maurice . The two lemurs seemed surprised to see their joyful king followed by three unsure looking penguins. They immediately crowded the penguins.

"I have new loyal subjects to worship me," Julien announced happily and jumped on his thrown. "My kingdom is growing!"

"You came to the wrong place," Maurice whispered to them.

"As new members of my kingdom, it is time to bask in the glow that is Kind Julien. Bask my subjects! Bask!"

"Ooooo," Mort and Maurice said loyally. "Aaahhhhhhhhh…Ooooooo."

The penguins thought this was very inferior, but Julien was nice enough to give them a place to live. They began basking too. After a few seconds of Ooo Aaahhing Julien let them stop. By now, the moon was rising in the sky showing that the zoo was closed and the last of the zookeepers were leaving. Julien watched them leave excitedly from the throne. The penguins were already relaxing with Maurice under a palm tree and enjoying their new home. They didn't know what was coming next until the boom box exploded on so loud that they jumped up with shock. It was so loud they couldn't even hear their own thoughts or Kowalski's options on the sound. Then a disco ball sent colored beams of light on everything around them.

"WHAT IS GOING ON?" Kowalski screamed.

"WHAT?" shouted Maurice.

"WHAT IS GOING ON?" Maurice still didn't hear so Kowalski pointed to the boom box and then shrugged. Maurice was about to answer, but Julien was way ahead of him. The lemur king jumped down from his throne and danced over to the penguins, shaking head to tail.

"Dance my subjects!" he ordered. "Dance!"

Mort and Maurice jumped up and wiggled enthusiastically all around. Julien twirled Maurice and then started flipping all over the place and then bounced around on his tail like a pogo stick. Mort, the loyalist subject, tried to back flip like Julien and just fell flat on his back. Julien's eyes narrowed with dislike when he saw the three penguins just watching the party.

"Boogy Oogy, silly penguins!" Julien screamed excitedly. "Dance like you mean it!"

"We're not coordinated for this," Kowalski objected.

"Can't hear you!" Julien replied and did the Hawaiian dance. "Dance!"

The penguins didn't know how to dance, but they tried to please Julien. Kowalski put on a bling necklace and sunglasses and tried to do cool lingo. Rico barfed up pom-poms and cheered like a cheerleader. Private just moved his flippers in circular motion with uncertainty. Julien smiled with approval and bounced over to dance with Private. He tap-danced in a quick circle around Private, who fell over with lack of coordination. He tried that wirth Rico, but Rico pushed him away roughly and Kowalski accidently knocked the crown off his head with a "yo." Julien returned to dancing with the lemurs.

The penguins actually liked the party Julien threw. Skipper would never let them slacken and have fun in such a manner. They never knew living with Julien would be so fun.

That thought stayed in their heads for about fifteen minutes. By then they were running out of dance moves and felt very tired. They stopped dancing to catch their breath and Julien was all over them.

"Keep dancing," he ordered. "You're insulting my kingly authority."

"Can we take a little break?" whined Private. "We're just not…er….awesome enough to dance like you."

"That is very true…" Julien tapped a finger and considered. "Well…"

On their darkest hour, Lady Gaga's Just Dance song started playing on the boom box. Julien smiled and perked up his ears.

"Yes!"

Julien went off dancing again and abandoned the penguins. So much for their break. Maurice and Mort were just as tired as they were, but made no move to stop dancing. The penguins kept dancing anyway.

"Four…hours," panted Kowalski. "He… he made us dance for…four hours."

They all sighed with exhaustion and tried to move as little as possible. Moving just the slightest bit made their muscles hurt with protest. They layed under the shade of the palm tree and watched the rising sun. They were too tired to even sleep. They didn't feel completely alone though. They didn't realize how much in common they had with Maurice until they lived together.

"That's why I hate Julien's parties," Maurice agreed dully. "They just…wear me out for the day."

"This was worse than anything Skipper ever made us do," added Private. "I would rather do the push-ups again."

"Don't worry," Maurice said assuringly. "Besides the parties, Julien is a great King. He only wants us to have a great time."

They were about to go to sleep when Julien woke up from his short nap. He stretched and saw that the sun was just coming up. He didn't need much sleep to keep rolling. He couldn't roll with style feeling like this though. He felt grubby and needy. Well, that was why he had new subjects. Usually daily pampering began around early afternoon, but whatever he said was law so that was how it would be. He climbed down from his thrown just stood there. He also felt very lazy today.

"Maurice! MAURICE!" he called. "Take me over there."

Maurice sighed and, dragging his feet, began to walk over to a waiting Julien. He was so tired that his tail dragged on the ground.

"Faster, Maurice!"

Maurice ran over to Julien and almost cracked with effort by picking up Julien and carrying him to the penguins. Julien used his head as a staircase and landed on the ground. Maurice collapsed on top of Mort who was too tired to say anything.

"It's time for the pampering," he announced.

Kowalski opened one eye. "The what?"

"It's time to pamper you king, subjects," Julien answered and rolled his eyes. "You can file my nails, the short one can clean the smudgies off my crown and the vomity one can… comb the knots out of my tail."

They all looked at each other slowly and didn't even need to discuss what to do next. Sliding on their tummies, they bolted away from the lemur habitat as fast as they could.


	4. Chapter 4 The Good Neighbor Lodge

Chapter 4- The Good Neighbor Lodge

Marlene woke up early that morning by the sounds from Julien's boom box. She rose to the sound of Another One Bites the Dust and its loud percussion. She decided to head outside and get a little fresh air outside of her own enclosure.

So Marlene left. In the empty zoo sidewalk, she made out three bundles of something huddled together next to the brick wall. At first she thought a few popcorn buckets missed the trash can, but then she looked closer and saw white on those black fluffs. The penguins? She raced over immediately and looked down at them with horror.

"What's happened to you guys?" she exclaimed.

Kowalski moaned and rolled over. "Hey, Marlene. We didn't get any sleep last night. Julien made us dance all night."

"What? Why didn't Skipper do anything? Why aren't you at home?"

"Skipper booted us out," Private said miserably. "We were so stupid. Now we have nowhere to live."

"Skipper kicked you out," Marlene said sympathetically. "Oh, I saw him yelling at you yesterday afternoon, but I never expected he would simply throw you out."

"We took advantage of our freedom," Kowalski replied. "Now we end up like this. If you don't mind, we would like to get back to our sleeping now."

Kowalski and Private all stuffed themselves under a cheeseburger wrapper for warmth. It was so small that they all pushed each other to get under it. They fought and pulled on it desperately until it split down the middle and then they tried to snatch the pieces from each other. Marlene was awe-struck. The penguins were her friends and this was just pathetic.

"Come with me, penguins," she told them, wondering if she would regret this decision. "You can stay with me until Skipper cools down."

All the penguins jumped up suddenly and saluted Marlene like she was their leader. She shifted her feet uncomfortably and looked away.

"You are very nice, Marlene," Private complimented. "Are you really offering us your base?"

"It's no big deal," Marlene answered modestly. "It's the least I can do."

"Then we make a pledge to you right now," Kowalski continued. "That we will be no burden. We will protect your base from intruders and be the best neighbors we can be."

"No, really you don't need to-"

"We will form the Good Neighbor Lodge," Kowalski interrupted. "We will be the best roommates you will ever had and nothing bad will happen. Good Neighbor Lodge, fall out."

Marlene sighed and led them towards her otter habitat. The penguins saluted her again and marched along right beside her. She growled to herself when they just watched her as she went along.

"We have to make sure there are no rocks in your path that you might trip on," Private confirmed and removed a little pebble that she could of easily just stepped over.

"I'm fine!" she growled. "Just stop being nice."

"You look a little worked up," Kowalski said.

"Uh-huh," added Rico.

"Gee, I wonder why!" she screamed sarcastically. Apparently, the penguins didn't take that as sarcasm.

"Because you shouldn't be walking in this heat," Kowalski decided and began to panic. "Good Neighbor Lodge, assist!"

The penguins picked her up effortlessly and abducted her. They ran with her as their bounty. She squirmed and screamed, but they carried her all the way to her habitat. They placed her down gently when they got there.

"NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!" she thundered. "Make yourselves at home!"

She was about to go inside her home, but the penguins couldn't stand for that. They picked her up and carried her inside.

"LEAVE!" she demanded. "Just…go outside for a while. I just need some time away from you three."

Marlene crawled back in bed and burrowed under her pillow to block out Julien's unnecessary racket. Kowalski, Rico, and Private stared at the sleeping Marlene with confusion. The Good Neighbor Lodge realized that they made their host very angry and went outside for a club meeting.

"I call the Good Neighbor Lodge together for a meeting," Kowalski announced. "First of all, we need to be official. Rico, fezzes."

Rico barfed up a red fez for everyone. They all put on their official symbols of the club and the meeting continued.

"It is obvious that our host is not very happy. We need to do something that will make Marlene like us again. Think, team. What can we do for Marlene to make her happy?"

"KABOOM!"

Rico was tingling with excitement as Kowalski thought it over. He whined with disappointment when Kowalski turned down the idea.

"Marlene does not like explosives," he answered. "Sorry, Rico. Private, your sensitive in your own special way. What would you recommend?"

"Well…we can give Marlene a makeover," Private suggested brightly. "Marlene does care about her reflection I have noticed, especially around Skipper."

"Makeover it is!" Kowalski agreed and Rico nodded with agreement. "Let's get started."

The penguins knew nothing of makeovers, but they were sure going to try for Marlene's sake. While she was asleep, they set to work.

Marlene awoke to see three pairs of topaz eyes looking over her. They were smiling happily like they just did something great. Marlene blinked the sleep out of her eyes and looked up a them.

"I said I needed space," she grumbled. "I hope you three haven't destroyed the place yet."

"Of course not," Kowalski promised loyally.

"We would never," Private agreed and saluted her. "We are after all the G-"

"Don't say it!" Marlene snapped, making Private wince.

She felt a little bad for snapping at the youngest penguin and decided maybe she was a little hard on these penguins. They were only trying to make themselves worthy to her. She was just overreacting. She would do something nice for them when she brushed her fur. It did feel a little funny this morning. She grabbed her brush and looked in the mirror.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

What she saw in that mirror was a monster, a terrifying monster. She saw a lump of brown matted fur with little bows sticking out at odd angles. She was so hideous it was unbelievable. Her eye twitched and she slowly turned to the penguins, so angry and shocked that she was calm.

"What is….in my fur?" she demanded.

"Um…we're not sure," Private admitted. "We found it in the-"

Rico slapped Private and he shut up. Marlene quickly pounced on top of Private and pinned him to the ground, shaking him so he whimpered with fright.

"WHAT IS IT?" she screamed.

"Sludge," he surrendered. "We found it in the monkey cages. It's hair gel."

"WHAT?"

Marlene couldn't take this any longer. She roughly grabbed all three of them hard enough for her claws to dig into their skin and then she threw them out.

"Good Neighbor Lodge, huh?" she snarled. "Leave! Find a new life to ruin!"

Then she slammed the door on them.


End file.
